El Greco and The Trojan War
Written By James Andre Fontaine
The setup for the room is simple, but it took some planning to figure out how it would all work.
Mostly this is ‘learn as you go,’ but there are a few things worth noting.
The room itself is 15’ by 20’, which is substantial. 300 square feet is a terrible amount of space when compared to the average prison cell in the United States.
Then again, this is not prison.
Still, an average prison cell in the US is 6’ by 8’, which is 48 square feet. Considerably smaller than this room.
I was also not in prison and when I say a ‘terrible amount of space’ I mean it like they used to say not so long ago. Maybe so long ago. But not like they mean ‘terrible' when they say it today.
I have no idea what people mean when they say ‘terrible’ anymore.
The room was terribly empty at the beginning.
I installed 12 alarm clocks, by which I mean plugged them in. AM/FM radio alarm clocks.
I placed 3 clocks along each wall. At first I tried tuning them to different radio stations using the following sequence: 3 consecutive on FM; 3 consecutive on AM; 3 consecutive on FM; 3 consecutive on AM. There was a problem with interference.
I tried alternating each radio alarm clock between AM and FM. This still yielded interference.
Next I tried 6 on the north end of the room on FM and 6 on the south end of the room on AM. Again, interference.
Switching polarity; interference again.
I also attempted all radios on AM then all radios on FM. All AM being the worst scenario as it produced a high-pitched squeal that I could not dispatch while keeping all radios tuned to AM.
I think I mean something other than ‘dispatch.’ Possibly ‘dispose,’ though I’m unsure.
Usually my vocabulary is stellar, but I find that it now fails me at times.
All radios tuned to FM worked, but then it turned out there was no one FM station I liked so much that I wanted to hear it transmit(?) from all 12 radios at once.
This was only a minor setback as the primary reason for the alarm clocks was for their alarms. The fact that they had radios was, I thought at the time, an additional benefit.
A twin-electrical outlet along each wall, excepting the wall with the door. 3 twin-outlets total or 6 outlets altogether. The bottom outlet of each with a power strip plugged in containing 5 outlets. That’s 15 outlets available via 3 power strips. And 3 unused wall outlets. 18 outlets total available for use. 12 of which will be occupied by the alarm clocks. Leaving 6 unused outlets.
12 Campbell’s Soup cans, but not until later.
1 Queen-size mattress in the center of the room occupying 33 square feet.
Excepting for the clocks, which are arranged against the wall along with the power strips, that leaves 300 square feet minus 33 square feet.
Another way to say that last part is 267 square feet.
On the mattress:
1 fitted sheet
1 top sheet
1 quilt
1 comforter
5 pillows to be used as follows: 1 under the knees; 1 under the head; 1 on the left side of the body; 1 on the right side of the body. This will create a boxing effect and minimize movement while sleeping. The last pillow can be placed on top of the head over the eyes as a sort of soft facial compression. It can also be used for hugging.
To account for the space occupied by alarm clocks and power strips. Against the wall I’ve allotted one foot of space from the wall circling the room.
Circling?
'Rectangling' the room seems a more accurate word, only it is not actually a word.
This effectively changes the available dimensions of the room to 14’ by 19’. This is a considerable sacrifice, but the space is needed for the alarm clocks, power strips and Campbell’s Soup cans. At 14’ by 19’ I am left with 266 square feet. Or 266 square feet minus one Queen size bed. Or 233 square feet.
Masking tape will be used to designate the area for alarms clocks and power strips and Campbell’s Soup cans.
Masking tape tends to both stick well and remove easily while leaving little residue behind.
The Campbell’s Soup cans, 12 total, will be placed as follows: one next to each alarm clock.
Above each alarm clock, taped to the wall: an envelope 9” by 12”.
We will get back to the envelopes later.
There is a table as well. 2’ by 6’. 12 square feet, but no space is really lost by introducing the table. Space is only raised to a higher plane without taking any additional space away.
One the table: One case of bottled water; two boxes of Ritz Crackers; one jar of peanut butter; one tin of assorted nuts; 5 apples; 2 bananas (any more than 2 in such a short period of time can cause constipation); 1 orange; 1 set of plastic cutlery; 1 plastic plate and 1 roll of paper towels.
As for the walls, I've done some research and found that blues and grays are considered the most relaxing colors for walls.
Specifically I found that the following shades are the most soothing:
Overcast
Toadstone
Card Room Green
Topsail
Seashell
Durango Dust
Iceberg
I am not certain those are actually colors though. So to keep things simple I purchased one can of light blue paint and one gain of light gray paint. Then I purchased a large bucket. 5 gallons. Poured each bucket of paint into the 5-gallon bucket and mixed them up and painted the room that color.
I think the room most closely resembles "Overcast."
As a color, that is. Doubtless you knew that's what I was getting at.
Upon entering the room none of the clocks should be set. They all must have the blinking 12:00. No exceptions.
You will need to set the sleep timer on all clocks. The order is very important.
The first alarm clock must be set for 60 minutes. The second for 120 minutes.
The clocks max out at 120 minutes on the sleep timer so pay attention to this next part. You are encouraged to take notes. It will not count against you in any way.
When the first alarm goes off that will signal zero hour.
Upon reaching zero hour the second clock will have 60 minutes remaining on the sleep timer. At this point you must set the third clock's timer for 120 minutes.
When the second alarm goes off you have reached hour one. At this point the third clock will have 60 minutes remaining on the sleep timer and you will need to set the forth clock's sleep timer for 120 minutes.
This is the pattern and it must be repeated throughout your duration in the room.
It will be your only method of timekeeping.
As each alarm goes off you will need to perform a few tasks. The first concerns the soup cans.
Well, I say the first, but it's really the second. The first thing you must address will be the alarm clocks in the manner described above.
Back to the cans. Once you've dealt with the alarm clocks you will deal with the soup cans.
Remember, these must be Campbell's soup cans or else this will not work.
Campbell's soup cans are red on the top and white on the bottom.
When the alarm goes off turn the can over so that the red side is on top. This will indicate that you are on the "Red Cycle."
Once you've made one revolution around the room you will again flip the cans over, bringing you into the "White Cycle."
This should be easy enough. You will start out at "Hour Zero; Red Cycle" followed by "Hour One; Red Cycle."
Once you complete "Hour Eleven; Red Cycle" the following cycle will be "Hour Zero; White Cycle." This will be followed by "Hour One; White Cycle," followed by "Hour Two; White Cycle." This pattern will continue.
Once you complete "Hour Eleven; White Cycle" and the "Hour Zero" alarm clock has gone off the experiment will be over and we will hopefully have achieved our goal.
Of course, we must address the envelopes. The envelopes and their contents have been prepared in advance. Only you and I know what is inside.
More accurately only I know what is inside.
You likely have forgotten.
These are the contents of the envelopes. Don't worry about this too much as you will have ample time to reflect on what they say.
By ample time I mean 60 minutes, as that is the interval between the alarms.
That may or may not be ample time. I really don't know and shouldn't throw words around so carelessly.
You will have 60 minutes to reflect on the contents of the envelopes.
Each alarm signals a change in envelopes as well as soup can position and sleep timer settings.
When the first alarm goes off, 60 minutes after you have entered the room.
Forgot to mention, that first 60 minutes that you are waiting for the first alarm to go off is your free time. Do with it as you please. So long as you don't mess with anything in the room.
Especially not the clocks.
And don't go opening the envelopes.
By free time I really mean you will not have any assigned thinking to do during that first 60 minutes, so feel free to think about anything you want during those initial 60 minutes.
Probably just lie in the bed while you do this so you are not tempted to mess up any of the set up.
It doesn't seem like much, but I went to a great deal of trouble to prepare this for you and I would hate to think you would ruin this all because you got bored during your free time.
Let's get started again with the envelopes.
When the first alarm goes off open the envelope above that clock.
There will be two envelopes inside each envelope. Take out and open only the correct corresponding envelope.
For example, the first two envelopes inside the first envelope will read "Hour Zero; Red Cycle" on one and "Hour Zero; White Cycle" on the other.
As this is the Red Cycle you open the envelope marked "Red Cycle."
You know it is the Red Cycle because of the Campbell's soup cans.
Close the door to begin.
The Envelopes:
Hour Zero;Red Cycle
The Spanish painter El Greco was not actually Spanish and his name wasn’t El Greco.
Hour One; Red Cycle
You insisted on the soup cans as Andy Warhol is your favorite artist. You thought this would bring you comfort and peace to this process.
Andy Warhol owned over 40 wigs. It is possible that he also had over 40 different personas. One of those personas was shot by Valerie Solanas.
Valerie Solanas who claimed Warhol owed her money.
Solanas shot two other people that same day she shot Andy Warhol, but hardly anybody remembers that. Or remembers who they were.
All three people were shot by Solanas during the same incident. It’s likely they thought of it all as separate incidents. Which makes sense. They were all shot separately and did not incur the trauma of the bullet that struck the others who were shot but only the trauma of the bullet that shot them.
Now that I think of it, Solanas only shot two people that day. Andy Warhol still being one of them.
Solanas was upset the next day when newspapers printed, “Artist Shoots Andy Warhol.” She was upset because she felt it should have read, “Writer Shoots Andy Warhol.”
It could also have read “Artist/Writer Shoots Andy Warhol and One Other Person.”
It’s likely that part of Solanas died the day after she shot Andy Warhol as she realized that people did not think of her as a writer.
She’s best known today as the woman who shot Andy Warhol, not as the Artist nor as the Writer who shot Andy Warhol
I am uncertain which wig Andy Warhol was wearing at the time he was shot. Or if he was even wearing a wig.
Hour Two; Red Cycle
El Greco was Greek. Which explains why the Spanish called him El Greco. Wonder what the Greeks called him. Probably Doménikos Theotokópoulos, because that's his name.
I’ve never been to Greece, but I’d like to go to some museums there someday.
If only to see what name is on the plaque next to a painting by El Greco.
Hour Three; Red Cycle
Rembrandt painted nearly 100 self-portraits in his life. At the end of his life he couldn’t tell them apart from each other.
Near the end of his life, that is. Doubtless he couldn’t tell them apart at the end of his life.
Then again, maybe at the end of life people have more clarity. Nobody really knows. Not anyone living, at least.
It’s just as probable for that to be the case as anything else. Subsequently, to also not be the case being as likely as anything else as well.
Hour Four; Red Cycle
Once you said,”…with the intensity of a Van Gogh sunset.” I forgot the first part, but the last part sure is good. Then again, you might have said ‘sunrise,’ not ‘sunset.’ One cannot help but think this hardly changes a thing.
Van Gogh only ever sold one painting. For 400 francs. In the 1890’s, shortly before he died. He could at least tell that painting apart from all his others, as it was the only one of his he didn’t have any longer.
Hour Five; Red Cycle
The Last Supper was a painting of a Passover meal. What I really mean is that the painting The Last Supper is a depiction of a Passover meal. Whether or not the actual meal is called Passover I am unsure, though in the painting it is simply referred to as the last supper, not Passover.
It’s called The Last Supper because Jesus Christ would never eat supper again after the supper depicted in that painting.
At least one presumes that is the reason.
Hour Six; Red Cycle
Theroetically: An infinite number of rooms with an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite amount of art supplies could reproduce the entire catalogue of Jackson Pollock.
Jackson Pollock killed a girl, not theoretically.
He killed the girl in a car wreck.
Technically it was the impact from the car wreck he caused that killed her. It killed him as well.
Which makes me wonder if we should celebrate his art. He was kind of a jerk in the end.
He was kind of a jerk before the end too. The difference being that he had not yet killed anybody.
He was drunk driving when he killed the girl. There was another girl he did not kill. All the other girls besides the one he killed, really. But what I meant to say was that there was another girl in the car with Pollock and the girl he killed. He did not kill that girl, specifically. And it is still true that he did not kill all the other girls either. He was not a monster after all. I am only pointing out that there were three people in the car and Pollock killed two of them. One of the two being Jackson Pollock.
To my knowledge, El Greco never killed anybody. Meanwhile, Jackson Pollock managed to kill two people with one car.
Hour Seven; Red Cycle
Theophanes the Greek was a Russian Painter, but of Greek heritage, not Russian, which explains why they called him "The Greek." Of course his name, when spelled out in Russian looks like nothing so simple as "Theophanes The Greek."
As the Russians wrote it: Феофан is Russian for the Greek Θεοφάνης. It's easier to call him Theophanes the Greek.
Then again, I know almost nothing of the Russian and Greek languages. I would still think that with a name like Theophanes, that he was Greek would be implied. Also, now that I think of it, the Russians could have just called him El Greco, as that name was not yet taken during Theophanes’ time. Regardless, Феофан it is.
Hour Eight; Red Cycle
I wonder if the Greeks have a nickname for Doménikos Theotokópoulos. It's kind of a mouthful.
I believe the saying is actually “tongue twister,” but I’m not certain. Likely that saying ‘mouthful’ in this context is understood.
If the Greeks do have a nickname for him, doubtful that it is El Greco.
Not just because there are so many Greeks in Greece, but because I now remember he was actually born in Crete.
While Crete is now part of Greece it was actually part of the Republic of Venice in El Greco’s lifetime.
I must admit to knowing very little about the Republic of Venice. Likely it was part of the Roman Empire at some point.
If that is the case, there is a fair chance that El Greco knew Latin.
Hour Nine; Red Cycle
Andy Warhol is fine, but I wouldn’t think anybody would say he’s their favorite artist. Not even Warhol himself. Or any one of his 40 or so different personas.
Not Valerie Solanas either, though it is possible.
I don’t mean to insult your choice as Warhol as favorite. It was just kind of expected. Likely it was expected because when I thought of favorite artists Warhol was the first name that came to my own mind.
Admittedly, I considered Warhol my favorite artist during my high school years, even though I told everybody is was Jean-Michel Basquiat.
I didn’t know Basquiat was black until I was well into my 20’s. And that El Greco was from Greece until I was in my 40’s. And shortly after that I learned that El Greco was actually from Crete, not from Greece.
These days I consider Willem de Kooning my favorite. At least of the Expressionists. Bill de Kooning is what I call him, casually, among friends. As it gives me a slight air that I am more acquainted with his art than most.
Stiil I cannot identify any artwork by Basquiat.
Jean-Michel Basquiat was born Jean-Michel Basquiat, which I find refreshing.
Bill de Kooning.
Hour Ten; Red Cycle
I made up that thing about Rembrandt. Not that he painted nearly 100 self-portraits, but the part where at the end of his life he couldn’t tell them apart. That I made this up does not also mean that it might have actually been the case.
Rembrandt painted around 77 self-portraits, drew and sketched about 25 more.
So we don’t start splitting hairs is why I added that.
Hour Eleven; Red Cycle
El Greco elongating the length of figures in his paintings and the Spanish shortening his name.
I can think of no significance to that last sentence.
And I really don't know what Theophanes did besides paint and go to Russia and have his name elongated by the Russians.
What I'm really trying to say is that while I am familiar with El Greco's style of painting I do not know much at all about Theophanes the Greek's style of painting. And that I've taken great interest in their names.
I once registered into a hotel under the name Doménikos Theotokópoulos. I told the clerk to call me “The Greek,” if it was easier to say.
Red Cycle Complete. Begin White Cycle
Hour Zero; White Cycle
Socrates taught Plato. Plato taught Aristotle. Aristotle taught Alexander the Great. I don't know who taught Socrates.
Nor can I say for sure who wrote The Iliad and The Odyssey. As it was never written down until well-after it was known to have been written. I realize now that saying it like that makes no sense. What I mean to say is that it likely existed for hundreds of years until somebody actually wrote down a physical copy of each book.
For all the great many things the Greeks accomplished one could argue they put off making pencils for far too long.
Hour One; White Cycle
Homer the Greek. Nobody calls him that. But nobody really knows if Homer was a man or a woman. Only that Homer is Greek. And likely not an actual person but a collective of people spanning several decades, all of whom, thankfully and conveniently, were at least Greek.
Most likely there is nobody named Homer who wrote The Iliad. And The Odyssey. Unless one of the people in the collective that is known as Homer happened to actually be named Homer.
Basing this on zero evidence, that one of the people was actually named Homer is likely high.
If he did exist, that he never left Greece is one explanation why he was never called “Homer the Greek.”
Or for that matter, never called “El Greco."
The last item could be for several reasons.
Chief among those reasons, that Spain and the Spanish language did not exist in Homer’s lifetime.
El Greco being Spanish for the Greek.
Then again, if anybody should be called “El Greco,” it should be Homer. Even if he didn’t exist.
The same can be said for Socrates.
Nothing against Doménikos Theotokópoulos.
Hour Two; White Cycle
I’ve forgotten who wrote these. Presumably me, but for whom.
As in, did I write these for you or did you write these for me. Pronouns being such a tricky thing in the English language they seem to have undone me.
I can’t help but wonder who is actually reading this. The reader, the author or both.
Naturally the reader and the writer will have both read this.
That I’ve forgotten my role in this is what concerns me. One of us has made a mess of this. That one being the writer, of course. Unless the writer turns out to also be the reader.
We will have to sort this out together as we proceed, but I fear it may take us 10 years to sort out.
If I’ve learned anything from The Iliad it is that within a ten-year span you can do pretty much anything, is why I said it could take us 10 years to sort out.
Well, that’s 10 years counting The Odyssey.
In fact, that’s not counting The Iliad.
Regardless, that still puts us at 10 years.
By 10 years, I realize I really mean 20 years when all is said and done.
Except that Odysseus has to pretend to be somebody else in the end.
Well, he doesn’t have to, but it is something he does.
If we make it that far we might be well-advised to skip that part.
Hour Four; White Cycle
The Greeks had a saying that in war sometimes the best advance is a retreat. Which helps explain how the Trojan War lasted 10 years.
Odysseus used that strategy, in part, to win the war. Convincing the Trojans that they retreated.
Nobody felt less like fighting that war than Odysseus, who was later called Ulysses for little known reason other than Ulysses is easier to say.
If Homer starting calling Odysseus Ulysses in the middle of the book.
How Odysseus would react if everybody started calling him Ulysses.
The degree to which this would confuse the audience.
Ulysses does not sound like a Greek name. In fact, it is not, therein lays the explanation.
Ulysses the Greek, or El Greco, is what they could have called him.
Hour Five; White Cycle
I think Virgil called him Ulysses first. When he wrote The Aeneid. Ulysses being the Latin for Odysseus, somehow.
Which, if El Greco learned Latin before he learned Greek or Spanish, it is likely that he first encountered Odysseus as Ulysses.
The character, that is. Not the actual guy, who, like Homer, likely wasn’t a real person.
Odysseus and Ulysses, of course, being the same person. Just that it is possible El Greco read the Latin version of the Iliad first, and read the name ‘Ulysses' prior to reading the name ‘Odysseus.’
Then again, the more I think about it, it would seem more likely that El Greco learned Greek and not Latin growing up in Crete. Even if Crete was not part of Greece.
Proximity to Greece being the main contribution to this theory.
Hour Five; White Cycle
The possibility that a third person beside yourself or myself wrote these.
Without going back through, I do think there is little pronoun consistency, but that hardly seems to matter.
Unless the third person wrote this. Who could actually be the second person if it turns out that you and I are really the same.
Odysseus to your Ulysses.
Hour Six; White Cycle
James Joyce called him Ulysses.
And he wrote a book about him. Or rather named after him. But it’s about him too. Even if he isn't even in it.
I’m speaking of Joyce writing a book about Ulysses, not the other way around. As we’ve established that Ulysses never actually existed.
Meaning it was not necessary to specify.
Joyce could have just as easily named the book Odysseus, one suspects.
Doubtless that Joyce felt the same about Odysseus as he did Ulysses. Because Odysseus and Ulysses are the same person. Not James Joyce and either person. Either person being the same person, of course.
If you saw Odysseus on the street and sneaked up behind him I wonder what would happen if you yelled, "Hey, Ulysees!"
Alternatively if it was Ulysses and you said, "Hey, Odysseus!"
Because I'm really starting to wonder if he knows his own name at this point.
Regardless, I still would like to know what Odysseus thinks about this Ulysses thing. The name not the book.
Hour Seven; White Cycle
They spoke both Latin and Greek during the time El Greco lived in Crete, I now remember.
I knew this already but didn’t remember it until now. You’d think I’d have remembered it when I wrote that sentence about what language they spoke in Crete during El Greco’s time.
And it was not part of Greece, but rather part of the Republic of Vienna, being the reason this was initially questioned.
Just as easily he could have encountered Homer in Greek or in Latin. Homer’s books that is. If there is a guy named Homer. The guy named Homer. Or the woman named Homer. Though likely if Homer was a woman that her name was not Homer.
The female author, Homer.
The woman who shot Andy Warhol, while were at it.
Helen likely did not start the war. And she was really Helen of Sparta not Helen of Troy.
The woman who started a ten year war.
And only a few people in the whole book were mad at her. The rest treated her well by all accounts.
Hour Eight; White Cycle
There is the option we just call ourselves “The Greek.”
The realization of this being far more lonely than frightening.
It seems the thing to do when you struggle with someone’s name. And it doesn’t matter if that person was or was not necessarily from Greece.
Hour Nine; White Cycle
I could be wrong about this Crete thing as it relates to El Greco.
In fact, I do believe that I’ve created more problems than I have ever solved.
Chief among those that regardless of who I am or who you are that it appears I am little more than the summation of the knowledge I possess about painters and Greeks.
Had I expected this I likely would have built in a third cycle. This third cycle being the Red/White Cycle, where the soup can is placed on its side.
And I’d talk about anything besides other people.
Is that what it’s called? The side of the can. A soup can really only has a top and bottom in relation to its label. The label dictating how we perceive it relative to our understanding that everything must have a top and a bottom.
This being seemingly insignificant, far as I can surmise.
Hour Nine; White Cycle
Leopold Bloom is essential the same guy as Ulysses. And Odysseus. As Odysseus is exactly the same guy as Ulysses. At least I think that was the idea regarding James Joyce and Leopold Bloom in Ulysses. By calling the book Ulysses, Joyce makes Leopold Bloom the new first hero in all of books. Rendering all previous heroes inconsequential.
The irony being that Leopold Bloom himself is inconsequential. He's just a guy who does things during one day in his whole life. Not 10 whole years. Or even 20.
So Joyce started everything over with Ulysses and Leopold Bloom. The book and the character, respectively. Being that they only and always exist together I suppose I could just say Ulysses or I could just say Leopold Bloom and it would have the same effect.
Only I couldn’t do that with the name Odysseus.
So Odysseus kind of is a different guy than Ulysses and Leopold Bloom.
Only saying Ulysses instead of Leopold Bloom or Leopold Bloom instead of Ulysses doesn’t have that effect at all. Although, it’s hard to think of one without the other anymore. So maybe it does, after all.
Never would have thought that bit about Odysseus being his own separate person from Ulysses. Until now, of course, as there is evidence that I did think that. Even if you wrote it and not me. As I would have read it and in turn thought it. At least about it. Which is more or less the same thing.
Hour Ten; White Cycle
For the life of me I cannot remember how El Greco died. Or Homer. Or if Homer actually can even die. I don’t remember how Andy Warhol died either. Or Theophanes the Greek. I don’t think Ulysees dies. Or that Odysseus guy either. Needless to say, Leopold Bloom is alive and well. Unlike all those people who died during the Trojan War. But they would’ve been dead by now anyway.
I wonder what happened to Helen before she died. It's possible that Homer mentions this, but I really cannot remember.
Hour Eleven; White Cycle
Sorry. Things are getting harder now.
Bare with me
I didnt think I'd make it this far.
Christ. It gets so lonely in here. It's really so hard. And that El Greco guy. I keep thinking about him. I can't stop thinking about him. El Greco. From Crete. The Greek. How he dies at the end. How does he die at the end.
This has been so much harder on me than i thought
I cannot stop thinking about that El Greco guy
Hope it turns out that he dies happy in the end
IHidOneMoreEnvelopeForYouItIsUnderneathTheMattressIPutItThereInCaseThereIsSomebodyBesidesUsIsWatchingAllThis
All Cycles Complete
The Last Envelope; The One Under The Mattress
I just stuck my head inside an oven.
Schrödinger once did this with a cat, only he used a box. Rather than gas he used a radioactive atom. The state of which, decayed or not decayed, would dictate the fate of the cat. The idea was you could only tell if the cat was alive or dead if you opened the box. Meaning that two alternate realities collapsed upon each other and co-existed until somebody could observe which reality actually happened.
More or less.
Doubtless he knew that Einstein already came up with this theory years earlier. Only not with a cat.
In fact, he definitely knew Einstein came up with that theory years earlier as the two men exchanged a series of letters regarding this paradox. Hand to my heart, this is the truth.
Both men were attempting to prove why this paradox was absurd and that life need not be observed to be meaningful.
One assumes this could also be accomplished by merely shaking the box.
I added the bit about life need not be observed. This, of course, doesn't mean the two men didn't think about it.
I cannot fit inside the oven, so it’ll spare you having to open it. Therefore, no paradox. Therefore this last bit will be easy.
I don’t think he actually used a real cat. Schrödinger. It was all imaginary, in his head. The experiment. Plus, the cat, real or imaginary, never had a name.
Well, if the cat had a name Schrödinger didn't tell anybody. Nor did he write it down. Much like the first hundred years or so of Homer.
The chances that the cat was Greek.
That it was named El Greco. Odysseus. Ulysses. Leopold.
I can only fit my head and most of my shoulders in the oven.
So leave the room, close the door and walk into the kitchen. If you see a dead body sticking out of an oven that’ll be me and you’ll have been the reader all along; making me the writer. If you don’t see anybody it’s only been you here this whole time.
It really is a dramatic way to solve our problem, but it’ll work, so long as you don’t go sticking your head in the oven if you discover there’s nobody else here but you.
If you do find that you're alone, please know that I know how hard it is to live inside your own head with only your own knowledge to keep you company.
Of course you'd know that I know that.
If you find nobody at the oven, I liked to think that part where you stick your head in the oven doesn’t happen, because if you’re anything like me you have so much to live for and I'll have sacrificed so much for nothing at all.