You're Such An Innocent

"You're such an innocent." That's what she would say to me when we first met, "You're such an innocent." She was older than me and went to school at Berkeley. I had to concede that she was more experienced in life than I was. Heck, I went to a community college in my hometown and hadn't even left the city limits until I was 24. Suppose I was an innocent. But that was the attraction for both of us.

And I won't lie about it. It was endearing at first. And it made me feel special. Here I was, this young man fortunate enough to land an older, classier, more experienced lady. And boy, was she gorgeous. But you know, after being with her for almost 15 years, and her still saying 'You're such an innocent," well, that gets a bit tiresome to a fellow. 15 years of that same line used at every possible opportunity. It just gets so you don't want to hear it again.

And I didn't want to hear it again. It gets to you. Like she's just so much more cultured because she went to Berkeley 20 years ago or whatever. And just because she's older. Well, you know, lately she's been complaining about how she's older. So that bit is just working out great for both of us. Christ. Well, I tell you what, she certainly didn't call me an innocent when I grabbed that butcher's knife and stabbed her right in the belly with it.

I even told the police as much as they cuffed me and drove me down to the station. I told them, "you know, she's always going on about how I'm such an innocent. Well, dollars to donuts officers, I betcha she wasn't thinking that right at the end. Betcha she was thinking something altogether different." And you know what, both officers said no, they bet she wasn't thinking that at the end. Wasn't thinking that I was such an innocent at all.

Dedicated to MM